Student-isms: 7 Commonly Encountered

Kids say the darndest things, as they say. Now, if you change up some cultural considerations and mix around different social mores here, kids will then say some pretty funny stuff.

The following quotes are all true.

1. I'm fine, thank you, and you?

Remember how most of us took Spanish as the foreign language requirement in high school? Well, I didn't because I took French because I wanted to be a non conformist for some reason. To this day I only remember how to count and how to say cheese omelette. In any case, you'll remember the answer to "Hola, como estas?" is always "Bien, y tu?"

When you study English, the correct answer to"Hi, how're you?" will always be "I'm fine, thank you, and you?" It's a running joke amongst the teaching community here.

2. Mr. Thai, do you have a gun?

We get much of our perceptions, however wrong or right, from movies and televisions nowadays. Many Americans think that Amsterdam is a place for drugs and hookers (yay Eurotrip), Vietnam is full of hookers that will love you long time, and that Jamaicans all get high all day and all night.

Due to American programming where shows such as CSI, 24, and anything Fox can come up with , reign supreme many people outside of the states have a perception that all of America is dangerous and we all have guns for some reason, JUST in case there's a gang fight in the middle of the street so we'll all start shooting each other.

3. Show me the money

You know how we all know a few words of a foreign language from certain films here and there? Many Americans have learned "di di mau" from various Vietnamese War movies, "omelette du fromage" from Dexter's Laboratory, and how every Austrian speaks like Arnold.

I'm assuming some of my students just saw Jerry McGuire because it became one of the only phrases my kids say to me outside of class.

Typical conversation

me - "Hi ______, how're you?"

kid - "I'm fine, thank you, and you?"

me - "Great!"

kid - "SHOW ME THE MONEYY!" *holds hand out for money, I laugh and walk away, they chase me shouting, seeing this, about 8 more kids start chasing me shouting the exact same thing."

4. Mr. Thai, do you have a wife?

Remember when you were in middle school and how everyone over the age of 20 was considered old? I imagine that's how my kids view me. One of the first questions I was asked by my very first class I taught was, "Do you have a wife?" Now, this struck me as odd because this never happens back at home. My first thought was, "Oh shit, do I that old? I knew I should've gotten botox when I had the chance!" Turns out, Korean men about my age get hitched about...my age.

What's funny in the regard is not only do students ask me if I have a wife but other coworkers do as well. When I respond that I don't have a wife they always say, "Why not? Go get married...now!" I just can't win.

5. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Korean middle school students have the maturity of your 8 year old cousin. They chase each other around, call each other names (like ugly face), and play fight with tennis rackets and ping pong paddles. Often these actions cause these students to scream bloody murder and go "TEACHER! HE'S HITTING ME!" or the ubiquitous "HE'S TOUCHING ME!!!!" or the best "(to another student) I'm not gay. (to me) Teacher! Make him stop touch (sic) me!"

6. She's ugly

My female students have no problem voicing their opinion on any given person's attractiveness. When I play music videos for them before class often times they would either say "no!! ugglyyy!" or "oh my gawd, so beautiful!" In fact, there have been many times where a group of female students would stop me in the hall to tell me this, "Mr. Thai! You know what?" "What?" "She's ugly!" *points to another female in the group, at which time random Korean words are then spoken and they start chasing each other around and I go on my merry way to wherever I was headed*

7. Mr. Thai, you are handsome. Give me candy!

Students like to be suave and tricky.

Many times, they would simply skip the whole flattery thing and go for the main goal - chocolate. They'd walk right up to me and say "cho-co-late!"

To which I say, "chu-gu-lay?" (do you wanna die?)

"No no teacher, CHOC-CO-LATE!"

"yes yes, CHU-GU-LAY?"

"choc-co!"

"chu-gu"

"chocolate!"

"chugulay!" *repeat for another five minutes, student walks away in failure, I do the evil teacher laugh*

It's similar to that one episode of The Simpsons where the family goes down to Australia and Marge tries to order coffee at a bar.

Marge - "A cup of coffee please" Bartender- "One can of beer coming right up"

"No no, coffee." "Be-er"

"Cof-fee" "Bee-eer"

"C-o-f-f-e-e" "B-e-e-r"

Bonus! Teacher Quote 8. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

I was in the little English teachers office and we were talking about some school related stuff. A co teacher told me after talking about it, "Oh please don't tell anyone about what we just talked about." I then told her, "It's okay, we have a saying back home 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.'" We all laugh.

She then asks, "Wait, what happens in Vegas?"

I giggle and walk away.

FAN DEATH and 9 other funny things about Korea

Korea's full of fun, quirky things.

1. FAN DEATH - This is something that I've never heard of until coming here. Supposedly, if an electric fan is left on over night while you sleep, you will DIE. The reasons for this range from hypothermia (because the fan keeps cooling you forever and ever) to asphyxiation (because the fan sucks out all the oxygen). In fact, this belief is so widespread that all electric fans come with a timer so if you forget to turn off the fan, it'll do so automatically! More information could be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death.

Conversation with a co-teacher about it -

Me: "Hey, if you leave the fan on at night and sleep, what will happen?"

Her: "Well, you DIE! Everyone knows that."

2. YOU'RE A LOSER - Some months ago, a girl at a local university here (Hongik University for anyone who knows), was on a nationally broad casted talk show and caused quite an uproar. Now, Korean talk shows are different from American talk shows because instead of having one or two guests and a host, it's about 20 guests and maybe a few hosts.

The girl was asked about guys and what kind she prefers. She responded that she likes tall men, which everyone could probably agree is pretty normal with the "dark and handsome" archetype. Now, she continued to say that she only likes men who are 180cm or taller and considers those under that height requirement to be "losers" and only those deemed tall enough to be "winners".

The station and the girl caught a lot of bad press for said incident, the station for not editing the footage out before broad casting and the girl for...well you know. Word on the street has it that she left school because no one likes her anymore. This incident is so famous that two jokes came out of it - Kim Jong Il attacking the South Korean navy just days after that event and when college students are drunk they'd go around saying "hey! you're a winner!" or "hey! you're a loser!" to other drunk college kids. I'm a loser. =(

3. WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR WORK DONE? - When talking to Koreans, I notice that they stare at me often, not because I'm a foreigner or anything like that, but because apparently I have facial features that are considered to be desirable in contemporary Korean society.

Image is HUGE in Korea (and so are tissues...if you know that joke) and thus so is plastic surgery. Subways and buses are loaded with advertisement depicting numerous before and after photos and how this clinic or that clinic will enable you to look your "best".

Oftentimes, they would ask, "Wow, you have eyelids!" I would then respond with, "Yeah, you do too, how else do people blink?" Then they'd giggle and said "No no, you have the fold!" "What fold?" "You don't have that fold?" "No!"

4. THERE IS NO FOURTH FLOOR - the number four has the same connotation in the East as the number thirteen in America. Sometimes, instead of the 4th floor, it'd be Floor F. This can be traced to Chinese in that the word for four sounds like the word for death. The same reasoning is used for the number eight as it sounds like the word for prosperity in Chinese. Just to clarify, eight is lucky in Chinese, not Korea.

Seven's lucky in Korea and in America, that is, unless you're playing craps after the point has been made.

5. KIM YUNA - They love her here. I love her. She's awesome. She's to ALL OF KOREA like how my friends ruv Kobe back home.

6. DO THE MACARENA - Americans have special bond with "audience participation" songs, these include such classic hits as - "YMCA", "Crank That (Soulja Boy)", and the quintessential "Chicken Dance".

That same connection can be said of the youth here in Korea, except instead of a few select songs, it's ALL the songs. Almost every popular song here also comes with a simple, repetitive, yet super catchy dance. I'll throw a song on Youtube for the kids to listen to between class periods and if students come in early they'll almost always start dancing to the song.

A theory on why these dances are easy to replicate is due to the Korean culture of noeraebangs (karaoke) in Korea in which kids would go to hang out and dance away the afternoon/night with their friends.

7. KARAOKE - On that subject, awhile back a student saw me on the street and she waved hello. She was rather excited to see me so I made some small talk. I asked her where she was going and she simply stated that she was going to the noraebang. Now, "no rae" translates to "singing" and "bang" is "room". So to the untrained foreigner, that's simply karaoke to us so I simply restarted to her, "Oh, you're going to karaoke?" She then shook her head and clarified "Oh NO Mr. Thai, I don't drink soju. Karaoke is for adults." Apparently, you can also order girls at these places.

Not that I'd know...or anything.

8. DO THE CHA-CHA - In Korea, people tend to walk on the left, it's how they've been taught to their entire lives. Rumor has it that it's due to Japanese influence because back in the day, Japan had samurai who wore their katanas on the left. Walking on the left apparently would enable these warriors to respond quickly to emergencies, like slaying dragons and stuff.

Anyhow, it's always funny when you're walking and a Korean is also walking directly into your path and you have to do the whole side stepping business.

9. FEAR THE CAMERA - Koreans LOVE to take pictures, love love love love to take pictures, be it pictures of food, people, places, or multiple pictures of themselves in different poses. One caveat: they love it if they're ready. If they're not, they run for the hills. When I have a mob of students mobbing me asking me questions or requesting candy all I have to do is take out my camera and threaten to take a picture of them (I usually do) and they'll scurry along or hide their faces.

10. HYORI TOLD ME TO DRINK SOJU - Koreans love soju. That's just as fact as the sky is blue, the moon is cold, and you shouldn't swim in the Han River. One of my first nights in Korea at my school, a few PE teachers took me out on like a teacher dinner/bonding thing. We ordered samgyupsal and soju. Now, I was told by one of my littles that if you're offered a drink in Korea by an older gentleman...YOU MUST DRINK IT. So drink I did! Also, in Korea, if your glass is empty, it must be refilled, no matter what.

As you can see, this caused a bit of a conundrum. They would pour, I would drink, and the process would begin anew. As anyone who has consumed alcohol beverages with me knows - I'm quite a bit of a light weight, so thus is soon became apparent to my Korean co workers that I was slowly but surely becoming drunk. Whilst on this road to un-sobriety, a PE teacher remarked to me, "Slow down! It's okay.*" What I wanted to say was, "No no, YOU slow down." What I said was "Oh it's okay, I can handle it." Obviously I couldn't.

I came in the next day to work, with news already spread somehow, my coteacher greeted me with, "So...I hear you like to party."

BONUS! 11. WELCOME TO BACKWARDSLAND - Pizza and spaghetti are considered "girly" foods. In fact, Mr. Pizza and Pizza Hut are popular date destinations and popular hang outs for young women. Actually, Outback Steakhouse is also considered to be "girly food" over here because of their service, lunch platters, and delicious bread. Man food, as always, is meat and alcohol, or samgyupsal and soju as everyone knows around here.

Valentine's Day is the day where GIRLS get to stress over what to get guys. Muahahahahahaha.

White Day (3/14) is what we know of as Valentine's Day in 'Merica.

Black Day (4/14) is a day where singles go out and eat black noodles. Everyone gets their day!

*I later learn that what he meant was that I didn't have to take the entire shot. Apparently in Korea, it's okay to sip or go halfsies on shots. Only when the words "ONE SHOT" is shouted at the table must the drinker down the entire cup.