Student-isms: 7 Commonly Encountered

Kids say the darndest things, as they say. Now, if you change up some cultural considerations and mix around different social mores here, kids will then say some pretty funny stuff.

The following quotes are all true.

1. I'm fine, thank you, and you?

Remember how most of us took Spanish as the foreign language requirement in high school? Well, I didn't because I took French because I wanted to be a non conformist for some reason. To this day I only remember how to count and how to say cheese omelette. In any case, you'll remember the answer to "Hola, como estas?" is always "Bien, y tu?"

When you study English, the correct answer to"Hi, how're you?" will always be "I'm fine, thank you, and you?" It's a running joke amongst the teaching community here.

2. Mr. Thai, do you have a gun?

We get much of our perceptions, however wrong or right, from movies and televisions nowadays. Many Americans think that Amsterdam is a place for drugs and hookers (yay Eurotrip), Vietnam is full of hookers that will love you long time, and that Jamaicans all get high all day and all night.

Due to American programming where shows such as CSI, 24, and anything Fox can come up with , reign supreme many people outside of the states have a perception that all of America is dangerous and we all have guns for some reason, JUST in case there's a gang fight in the middle of the street so we'll all start shooting each other.

3. Show me the money

You know how we all know a few words of a foreign language from certain films here and there? Many Americans have learned "di di mau" from various Vietnamese War movies, "omelette du fromage" from Dexter's Laboratory, and how every Austrian speaks like Arnold.

I'm assuming some of my students just saw Jerry McGuire because it became one of the only phrases my kids say to me outside of class.

Typical conversation

me - "Hi ______, how're you?"

kid - "I'm fine, thank you, and you?"

me - "Great!"

kid - "SHOW ME THE MONEYY!" *holds hand out for money, I laugh and walk away, they chase me shouting, seeing this, about 8 more kids start chasing me shouting the exact same thing."

4. Mr. Thai, do you have a wife?

Remember when you were in middle school and how everyone over the age of 20 was considered old? I imagine that's how my kids view me. One of the first questions I was asked by my very first class I taught was, "Do you have a wife?" Now, this struck me as odd because this never happens back at home. My first thought was, "Oh shit, do I that old? I knew I should've gotten botox when I had the chance!" Turns out, Korean men about my age get hitched about...my age.

What's funny in the regard is not only do students ask me if I have a wife but other coworkers do as well. When I respond that I don't have a wife they always say, "Why not? Go get married...now!" I just can't win.

5. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Korean middle school students have the maturity of your 8 year old cousin. They chase each other around, call each other names (like ugly face), and play fight with tennis rackets and ping pong paddles. Often these actions cause these students to scream bloody murder and go "TEACHER! HE'S HITTING ME!" or the ubiquitous "HE'S TOUCHING ME!!!!" or the best "(to another student) I'm not gay. (to me) Teacher! Make him stop touch (sic) me!"

6. She's ugly

My female students have no problem voicing their opinion on any given person's attractiveness. When I play music videos for them before class often times they would either say "no!! ugglyyy!" or "oh my gawd, so beautiful!" In fact, there have been many times where a group of female students would stop me in the hall to tell me this, "Mr. Thai! You know what?" "What?" "She's ugly!" *points to another female in the group, at which time random Korean words are then spoken and they start chasing each other around and I go on my merry way to wherever I was headed*

7. Mr. Thai, you are handsome. Give me candy!

Students like to be suave and tricky.

Many times, they would simply skip the whole flattery thing and go for the main goal - chocolate. They'd walk right up to me and say "cho-co-late!"

To which I say, "chu-gu-lay?" (do you wanna die?)

"No no teacher, CHOC-CO-LATE!"

"yes yes, CHU-GU-LAY?"

"choc-co!"

"chu-gu"

"chocolate!"

"chugulay!" *repeat for another five minutes, student walks away in failure, I do the evil teacher laugh*

It's similar to that one episode of The Simpsons where the family goes down to Australia and Marge tries to order coffee at a bar.

Marge - "A cup of coffee please" Bartender- "One can of beer coming right up"

"No no, coffee." "Be-er"

"Cof-fee" "Bee-eer"

"C-o-f-f-e-e" "B-e-e-r"

Bonus! Teacher Quote 8. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

I was in the little English teachers office and we were talking about some school related stuff. A co teacher told me after talking about it, "Oh please don't tell anyone about what we just talked about." I then told her, "It's okay, we have a saying back home 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.'" We all laugh.

She then asks, "Wait, what happens in Vegas?"

I giggle and walk away.

FAN DEATH and 9 other funny things about Korea

Korea's full of fun, quirky things.

1. FAN DEATH - This is something that I've never heard of until coming here. Supposedly, if an electric fan is left on over night while you sleep, you will DIE. The reasons for this range from hypothermia (because the fan keeps cooling you forever and ever) to asphyxiation (because the fan sucks out all the oxygen). In fact, this belief is so widespread that all electric fans come with a timer so if you forget to turn off the fan, it'll do so automatically! More information could be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death.

Conversation with a co-teacher about it -

Me: "Hey, if you leave the fan on at night and sleep, what will happen?"

Her: "Well, you DIE! Everyone knows that."

2. YOU'RE A LOSER - Some months ago, a girl at a local university here (Hongik University for anyone who knows), was on a nationally broad casted talk show and caused quite an uproar. Now, Korean talk shows are different from American talk shows because instead of having one or two guests and a host, it's about 20 guests and maybe a few hosts.

The girl was asked about guys and what kind she prefers. She responded that she likes tall men, which everyone could probably agree is pretty normal with the "dark and handsome" archetype. Now, she continued to say that she only likes men who are 180cm or taller and considers those under that height requirement to be "losers" and only those deemed tall enough to be "winners".

The station and the girl caught a lot of bad press for said incident, the station for not editing the footage out before broad casting and the girl for...well you know. Word on the street has it that she left school because no one likes her anymore. This incident is so famous that two jokes came out of it - Kim Jong Il attacking the South Korean navy just days after that event and when college students are drunk they'd go around saying "hey! you're a winner!" or "hey! you're a loser!" to other drunk college kids. I'm a loser. =(

3. WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR WORK DONE? - When talking to Koreans, I notice that they stare at me often, not because I'm a foreigner or anything like that, but because apparently I have facial features that are considered to be desirable in contemporary Korean society.

Image is HUGE in Korea (and so are tissues...if you know that joke) and thus so is plastic surgery. Subways and buses are loaded with advertisement depicting numerous before and after photos and how this clinic or that clinic will enable you to look your "best".

Oftentimes, they would ask, "Wow, you have eyelids!" I would then respond with, "Yeah, you do too, how else do people blink?" Then they'd giggle and said "No no, you have the fold!" "What fold?" "You don't have that fold?" "No!"

4. THERE IS NO FOURTH FLOOR - the number four has the same connotation in the East as the number thirteen in America. Sometimes, instead of the 4th floor, it'd be Floor F. This can be traced to Chinese in that the word for four sounds like the word for death. The same reasoning is used for the number eight as it sounds like the word for prosperity in Chinese. Just to clarify, eight is lucky in Chinese, not Korea.

Seven's lucky in Korea and in America, that is, unless you're playing craps after the point has been made.

5. KIM YUNA - They love her here. I love her. She's awesome. She's to ALL OF KOREA like how my friends ruv Kobe back home.

6. DO THE MACARENA - Americans have special bond with "audience participation" songs, these include such classic hits as - "YMCA", "Crank That (Soulja Boy)", and the quintessential "Chicken Dance".

That same connection can be said of the youth here in Korea, except instead of a few select songs, it's ALL the songs. Almost every popular song here also comes with a simple, repetitive, yet super catchy dance. I'll throw a song on Youtube for the kids to listen to between class periods and if students come in early they'll almost always start dancing to the song.

A theory on why these dances are easy to replicate is due to the Korean culture of noeraebangs (karaoke) in Korea in which kids would go to hang out and dance away the afternoon/night with their friends.

7. KARAOKE - On that subject, awhile back a student saw me on the street and she waved hello. She was rather excited to see me so I made some small talk. I asked her where she was going and she simply stated that she was going to the noraebang. Now, "no rae" translates to "singing" and "bang" is "room". So to the untrained foreigner, that's simply karaoke to us so I simply restarted to her, "Oh, you're going to karaoke?" She then shook her head and clarified "Oh NO Mr. Thai, I don't drink soju. Karaoke is for adults." Apparently, you can also order girls at these places.

Not that I'd know...or anything.

8. DO THE CHA-CHA - In Korea, people tend to walk on the left, it's how they've been taught to their entire lives. Rumor has it that it's due to Japanese influence because back in the day, Japan had samurai who wore their katanas on the left. Walking on the left apparently would enable these warriors to respond quickly to emergencies, like slaying dragons and stuff.

Anyhow, it's always funny when you're walking and a Korean is also walking directly into your path and you have to do the whole side stepping business.

9. FEAR THE CAMERA - Koreans LOVE to take pictures, love love love love to take pictures, be it pictures of food, people, places, or multiple pictures of themselves in different poses. One caveat: they love it if they're ready. If they're not, they run for the hills. When I have a mob of students mobbing me asking me questions or requesting candy all I have to do is take out my camera and threaten to take a picture of them (I usually do) and they'll scurry along or hide their faces.

10. HYORI TOLD ME TO DRINK SOJU - Koreans love soju. That's just as fact as the sky is blue, the moon is cold, and you shouldn't swim in the Han River. One of my first nights in Korea at my school, a few PE teachers took me out on like a teacher dinner/bonding thing. We ordered samgyupsal and soju. Now, I was told by one of my littles that if you're offered a drink in Korea by an older gentleman...YOU MUST DRINK IT. So drink I did! Also, in Korea, if your glass is empty, it must be refilled, no matter what.

As you can see, this caused a bit of a conundrum. They would pour, I would drink, and the process would begin anew. As anyone who has consumed alcohol beverages with me knows - I'm quite a bit of a light weight, so thus is soon became apparent to my Korean co workers that I was slowly but surely becoming drunk. Whilst on this road to un-sobriety, a PE teacher remarked to me, "Slow down! It's okay.*" What I wanted to say was, "No no, YOU slow down." What I said was "Oh it's okay, I can handle it." Obviously I couldn't.

I came in the next day to work, with news already spread somehow, my coteacher greeted me with, "So...I hear you like to party."

BONUS! 11. WELCOME TO BACKWARDSLAND - Pizza and spaghetti are considered "girly" foods. In fact, Mr. Pizza and Pizza Hut are popular date destinations and popular hang outs for young women. Actually, Outback Steakhouse is also considered to be "girly food" over here because of their service, lunch platters, and delicious bread. Man food, as always, is meat and alcohol, or samgyupsal and soju as everyone knows around here.

Valentine's Day is the day where GIRLS get to stress over what to get guys. Muahahahahahaha.

White Day (3/14) is what we know of as Valentine's Day in 'Merica.

Black Day (4/14) is a day where singles go out and eat black noodles. Everyone gets their day!

*I later learn that what he meant was that I didn't have to take the entire shot. Apparently in Korea, it's okay to sip or go halfsies on shots. Only when the words "ONE SHOT" is shouted at the table must the drinker down the entire cup.

I'm obese

Using the CDC regulations for Body Mass Index measurement, I come out to a hefty 30 points or so, 30 and higher is considered obese. Now, everyone knows that the BMI is simply used to measure how "dense" someone is and those with higher muscle appropriation would score higher on the BMI and doesn't necessarily mean they have copious amounts of fat stored.

That being said, I've actually lost quite a bit of weight here since coming to Korea even with eating the same amount/more than I did when I was back home. Actually, I think I drink much much more than back home. Soju sales do quite well here. I go to the gym quite a bit, just as I did back home, and just the same, the amount of progress I've had here is substantially higher as well.

This all leads me to think about the old mantra - you are what you eat. If you eat horrible foods filled with hormones, starch, and countless additives, you in turn will be filled with such delectable items. Oh, I forgot one thing, American food is filled with a grip load of corn. If you take some ground beef from the supermarket, cook it straight, you'll taste the corn straight away.

Since coming here I've noticed how healthy I've become. I don't feel like absolute shit after eating a nicely portioned meal. Some people say such meals are "hearty", I say such meals are full of crap ingredients. One thing I've noticed is the size of chickens here. They're tiny by American standards. I remember when my family raised some chickens in the backyard and when my mother prepared them for dinner, they didn't have nearly as much meat as normal store bought chickens, such chickens, as everyone knows, are pumped full of hormones because Americans have an obsession with nice white meat.

What bothers me is how effing fat America is. It seems that it's "okay' for people to be overweight and in some cases, extremely so. Yet we have no one to blame but ourselves. Cheap food, namely from fast food joints and such, are loaded with junk which then proceed to fill up the fat storage of Americans at an alarming rate.

So then people are are extra large and with these extra few pounds they develop problems with their health which in turn leads them to the medical system and insurance companies whose sole option then is then to prescribe drugs for the condition. It's all part of this viscous cycle.

If we all are able to watch what we eat, then so much better for all of us.

It's like AA

Taking it one day at a time.

Some days I feel pretty good and I feel like I could stay abroad for quite awhile, other times I feel like I just want to go home and be with everything that I'm familiar.

I tell myself this is simply a part of growing up - getting away and maturing.

I tell myself that everything's going to stay the same at home - all my friends tell me so, every time I'd ask them how everything was they'd say it's pretty much how I left it.

But I realize why I feel like this. It's the feeling of anxiety of not being at home and the thought of maybe missing out on something, something epic and extraordinary.

Also, it may just be that it's during break now and everyone's out doing stuff and I'm in Seoul.

A Linguistic Adventure

My Vietnamese skills are quite horrendous, to be sure. Any Vietnamese speaking friend of mine back home can attest to that and there are also two more examples in Korea that simply add to the testimonials.

Example #1
My homies and I went down to Ansan to get some legit pho and get some balut. In Ansan, there is a kind non Korean Asian Market Place complete with stores and goods catering to Vietnamese, Indonesian, Chinese, Filipino, and I'm sure much more. We go to this Vietnamese restaurant that I've been to before with my friend Christy and proceed to order. We all get pho and we order some balut for those in our group whom are brave enough to try it. I sure hope I used "whom" correctly there.

So we eat and into our meal I ask our Vietnamese waitress for something. Now, as a background, there are three Vietnamese dialects, Southern, Central, and Northern, I speak the southern one and our waitress spoke northern. So I ask her for this little side dish and she couldn't understand. I then try to articulate a little bit more and add more of an accent. No dice. I tried one more time just to be sure before I gave up and asked my Korean friend in English to ask the nice, patience Vietnamese waitress in Korean for something that I wanted.

Turns out they didn't have it.

Example #2
My homies and I stumbled upon a random Vietnamese restaurant in the middle of Suwon the other day and we decided to head inside because they actually had Vietnamese writing on the menu. I've stumbled upon many pho places in Korea and I always test them out by first asking if they speak Vietnamese in Vietnamese and then trying the iced coffee. I asked the ajumma that greeted us if she spoke Vietnamese and she gave a blank look and I thought it was another epic fail. That was until someone from the back came and spoke Vietnamese! My friends and I were delighted so we sat down for some iced coffee and other things.

So while we drank our coffee we spoke with the waitress - my friends in Korean with her and I spoke Vietnamese with her. Rather funny because we were translating back and forth since there wasn't a common language that we all spoke. The waitress asked if I had been to Vietnam before, now quick background check again - Vietnamese is a tonal language, so making the same phonemes with different pitches result in drastically different meanings, and I told her I haven't. Good good.

Then she asks me why. Of course, I could give her a normal reason like being in college, having no money, or not having time. Which I did, I told her I didn't have time to go because I've been busy since graduating and coming to Korea. Funny thing is, the word "time" sounds a lot like the word for "wife" in Vietnamese. Guess which one I said?

The nice waitress then proceeds to ask how old I am, why I didn't have a wife, and give my friends and I more free food. She also tells us to come back. True story.

Update

It's been a little while since I've last written. I've realized that I do my best writing at night when I should be sleeping. Since I've been trying to develop good sleeping habits, of which I've failed at recently, I haven't been writing as much as I have wanted.

Weather
December and January have been the coldest months of my life. No joke. The cold is nice and all but damn, having weather in the teens is pretty chilly. If it's windy, it's even worse. Some days I just bundle up at home and just leave only if absolutely necessary. They say this winter is the coldest winter Seoul has experience in a century. Now I know why people say Californians don't know what cold really is. I envy all my friends back home for sure. Also, I don't understand why people hate on California's "one" season, you really can't beat going out in shorts and flip flops in January.

However, I will say that when dealing with the cold, that's mainly the only thing you have to deal with. In warmer climates, you have to deal with things like bugs and stuff. I remember my first week in my apartment I saw this ginourmous centipede on the wall. Needless to say I screamed like a frightened adolescent in a slasher movie until the centipede met its doom from Mr. Paper Towel. Thank you Mr. Paper towel.

Also, when it's warmer I actually have to be fashionable and I just can' t compete with Koreans in this avenue. Right now, I'm literally wearing the same thing every day. Jeans, t shirt, sweater/hoodie, puffy jacket - I'm good for the day. I've been way too lazy to actually iron anything.

Stuff that happened in December
Perhaps one notable fact is that I'm a year older. The main things I remembered from the night was that my friends were there, it was fun and it was nice seeing everyone, and when I was totally drunk I asked my British friends to say "aluminium" and I'd say "Haha, you guys are funny, it's aluminum. Hey, can you say 'garage'."

Sorry guys!

Actually, December was pretty fun. As many of my friends know, I'm kind of a whacky guy, so for my class I managed to get my hands on a Santa costume as part of the holiday lesson. In addition to using it for teaching I also would wear my Santa get up around town. It was pretty awesome and random. I'd have little Korean kids coming up to me on the way to the subway saying "Hi Santa!" I actually had my Santa bag with me and I'd give them candy. They'd be all smiley and walk away with their parents. This one time I was waiting for the subway and this older Korean lady approached me and asked for directions. I told her I didn't speak Korean. Needless to say, she didn't believe that Santa wasn't Korean.

I also experienced my first Korean Christmas, it was pretty nice in that it was cold and such. It actually snowed a few days after Xmas even though all the forecasters said it would snow on Christmas. Lies.

When it did finally snow, it was wonderful. I was running in it in the jackets my friends and family sent. I made snow angels, slid in the snow, slipped and ate shit, and learned to walk in the trails that people have walked in before. Pretty cool overall.

The Perfect Spy
Apparently I have a very ambiguous face. Those that have known me for longer periods of time have known me to complain about how I don't really look like anything. I have come to accept this and in fact, enjoy it.

When I went down to the Vietnamese area in Ansan many Vietnamese people would ask what I was because I looked kind of, sorta not really Korean, but I spoke Vietnamese. I told them I was half Vietnamese and they said "...naw, I don't see it." So I told them I was Chinese and they said, "...Nawwww. You look too Korean for that."

I can't win.

One thing I never quite understood is the Asian obsession with the second eyelid/fold thing. In Korean, I think it's something like "Sam ga pyul" or the like. Everyone in my family has it so I just assumed all Asians had it. It wasn't until college that people started telling me "Oh wow, you have really nice eyes. You have eyelids!" I blinked and said, "Well...you have eye lids too. How else do you blink?" My friend would then try to explain it to me and I understand that a little crease does indeed exist. I simply find the obsession a bit humorous.

Ethnicity and Socialization from the Media

You know I was a sociology major when I title my blog entries like that.

One thing that I'm still wrapping my head around is the fact that Asians are on advertisements. Growing up in the US, the only thing we ever saw was Peyton Manning doing Mastercard commercials and Dwayne Wade doing something with Powerade. The one thing I saw Yao Ming in was that funny commercial where he was trying to ask if he could pay with a check. Suffice to say, these advertisements didn't really make me want to buy or do anything.

I didn't realize how much ethnicity affected the connection between an advertisement and reception of the message the ad is trying to sell until I settled a bit more over here in Korea. I have many Asian American female friends that would often complain about being too heavy and/or how their mothers would berate them for not being thin enough. I look at them and go, "Yo, I haven't been your weight since I was 13. You're already thin!" They'd simply look at me and say "Dude, you don't get it." I guess I really didn't.

A little while ago I was talking to my co teachers at school and for some reason we'd talk about weight and stuff. I think it was because I mentioned how I was trying to lose weight. One of my co teachers responded that back in the day during her high school and early college days her main job was trying to lose weight. Her ideal goal was 45 kg, or roughly 100 lbs. She's 163ish cms, or a bit taller than 5'3. I blinked at her and said, "I haven't been 100 lbs since I was 10!" She continued and said that during those years maintaining the ideal standard of beauty was above all else in her life. Skinny first and then academics and stuff. She talked about how little she'd eat and how she longed for food, but hey, she looked good. The happy part of the story is that she eventually realized it wasn't healthy and started to eat normally again.

We continued our discussion on ads, commercials, and societal pressure on aesthetic values. Another co teacher mentioned how in the media all you see are well dressed thin Korean boys and well dressed Korean girls in heels chasing them. That trickles down to the general appearance of everyone else. I would like to point out that tonight I was out with a few buddies of mine and we were chilling at a Starbucks in Gangnam. We talked about how at work we started off wearing suits and ties and stuff in the beginning but started to slowly dress down. I jokingly said, "Yeah man, sometimes I'd put on my suit just to go to the coffee shop to read a book." A friend said, "Hahaha you're funny man." I then pointed out that everyone around us, except us silly foreigners, were pretty much in suits.

However I digress.

Personally, sometimes I feel like I'm succumbing to all the ads and such. The other day I was walking home from work and I thought to myself, "Hmmm, maybe I should get long hair." This is rather shocking in that I absolutely hate long hair on myself. Ugh.

Quick Hits -

Did you know that the hood of a car is called a "bonnet" in the UK? I guess it's similar in that it's something you'd put over your head.

Coffee shops are absolutely ginourmous in Korea. Restaurants are a little bit on the smaller side because people just go in, eat, and go out and get coffee where they'll chill for hours. When I say ginourmous I mean the small ones are about the size of an average McDonald's, I've encountered one that's bigger than some mall bookstores.

My students think it's absolutely cute when I speak Korean, even when I say something like "gah bul ji mah" which means stop messing around. They just kinda giggle and say "SAY AGAIN!"

The other day I was talking to a Cantonese friend of mine and I asked what "mo-ah" meant. The conversation went something like this.
Her: "Nothing."
Me: "But I know it means something!"
"Oh, it's nothing."
"But it's in all those movies!"
"It's nothing."
"Then how come Jackie Chan always says it!?!?"
"I mean, the meaning of the word, is nothing."

Also speaking with the same friend whom emigrated from HK to Canada so she learned British English. She told us an anecdote about how she asked a male classmate if she could borrow a "rubber". In British English, "rubber" is an eraser. In Canadian and American English, it's ...well you know.

My East Coast friend and myself got into an argument about the difference between sweatSHIRT and sweater. In his definition a sweatshirt was a thick long sleeved top that kept the wearer warm. A sweater is similar but different in that it is knit and you can see/feel the patterns on it. My stance is that sweater and sweatshirt were essentially the same and that it's sufficient to call both items sweaters. Also I told him that I was right because the West Coast is better the Lakers beat the Magic. We agreed to disagree.

I find that my writing skills are lacking recently when chatting with my friends the other day. I'm trying to write more to consistently use the skills I acquired while earning the degree that my dad paid so much for. Thanks Dad.