Talking with my Dad

Awhile ago I had one of those longer father/son-type of talks.

It revolved around life and all that good stuff, normal dad stuff asking what I wanted to do when I graduated, if it made money, stuff like that. He talked about how I needed money in order to have a family and to provide for them, to buy a nice house.

Of course it made sense, how could it not? It was cold hard logic.

I then asked him, "Well dad, how do you make time for the kids?"

He didn't quite understand what I was getting at. So I elaborated a little bit.

I told him, "Dad, we, as a family, have almost everything we could ever ask for, a nice house, you're paying for my college education and my brothers', I have a car, my brother has a car, mom has a car, you have lots of cars for work and stuff, you take care of the insurance..." this and that, so on and so forth. Then I asked him, "For everything you've given us, you've never been to any of my football games or my brother's for instance, you missed both our high school graduations, we haven't had dinner with you in almost four years, so for everything money can buy, how can it buy time?"

The didn't say anything.

I then added, "But I still love you dad, for everything."

Gym Time

I find some sort of peace and while at the gym for some reason. There's just some sort of escape for me there with my music, running, and lifting really heavy things. Oftentimes, my homies would wave at me at the gym and I'd not notice because I'm off in my own little world. Also, I think that being an extrovert, I love being in a gym with lots of people rather than working out by myself. It's also why I love studying at Gateway or at Starbucks with all of its little sounds and such.

It's something I love to do and it's also something I do to get away and clear my head with all the little happenings in life. Maybe the secret to dealing with daily struggles is to immerse yourself into something that you're so passionate in. Unfortunately, I feel that many people "get away" by becoming workaholics. I know my dad is, he works to get away from the troubles of home and all that and maybe I'm starting to be like that. I've picked up more shifts at work, granted the money is pretty good too, but maybe I'm trying to find something and I'm using work and the gym to fufill that mystery want for now.

Cultural and Language Barriers

A while ago, I went to a little pho restaurant near my house before heading off to school for one of my later classes. I went in, ordered, and ate. While I was eating, I couldn't help but notice a Caucasian man in the restaurant also ordering.

He was noticeably frustrated by the language barrier, but he eventually was able to get something. When they brought out the food, he had to send it back because it wasn't exactly what he ordered. It came back and it still wasn't what he ordered. Eventually he just got up, paid for his drink, and left.

As I didn't know why I didn't offer my help. And I wondered, after he left, if I did help out, would it have helped make someone's day a little bit better? After all, why not, right? I speak Vietnamese, and he had trouble communicating, so why not right?

They say that the decisions that we make today are due to the decisions we've made in the past. Every time we do something, we wonder, if only for a brief moment, "Hey, what happened last time I did this?" It is also said that we're the sum of our mistakes and experiences, so perhaps we all get distinct quirks of our personality from something from our past.

Feelin' New

It's been hella years since my injury where I broke my ankle. Whenever I tried to run, it'd always hurt after about five minutes, and I'd stop and do something less intensive, like the elliptical machine or the stair master (the stair master is an evil, evil machine, btw) And so, without changing my eating habits (pho or BCD after a late night partying, KBBQ twice a week, All you can eat such, and other things that should be taken in moderation, I mean, did you know one shot of tequila has 200 calories?) my figure noticeably got bigger. =(

So one day I woke up, went to the ARC and went on the treadmill, and ran. I was tuning out on with my music when I checked the time, I had been running for ten minutes, and I was still doing fine. I ended up finishing with 20 minutes. Thinking it was only a one day occurance, I went back the next day, then the next day, and the next day, and I realized, hey, I can finally run again.

And it may seem a little trivial, how important running is, and as cliche as this might sound, but until that abillity has been taken away from you, you don't really realize the importance of such things until then. So it's been fun running these past few days (finals week notwithstanding).

It's the small things in life that keep us running through it, don't you think?

What's the difference?

Individualism is something that, as human beings, we all seek. We seek to find ourselves as individuals in the larger context of a social group, and larger still, society. We attempt to adopt a unique identity that we can call our own.

However, it can be seen that in many of these social groups, there is a sort of...sameness, of homogeneity. Everyone doing the same thing, wearing the same thing, listening to the same music, and even liking the same thing. Perhaps in our efforts of individualization, we also have a need for connection and social interaction. That need then turns itself into a sort of anticipatory socialization in which in order to be friends and engage with others, a part of yourself has to be like them as well.

I've always felt that I was always a bit different from my peers growing up, I always tried to go against the grain. Not different as in ...bad different, but just, different. Instead of being a bio major like what my parents wanted me to do, I became an engineer, now a sociology major. My best friends, I feel, are also a bit different, so perhaps we find some kind of unspoken bond in that regard.

Maybe what I'm trying to say is that as unique as we try to become, we always attempt to find a need of sameness, of connection with another. So perhaps it is in our differences that we come together.

I have the funniest parents

I swear I have the funniest parents sometimes. I wish I could just record them and show it to them years later. The thing is, they don't mean to be funny, but when I think about it and tell my friends, I just can't help but laugh. Sometimes I just want to and put some of this stuff on mymomisafob.com or mydadisafob.com.

On a digression, I recently found out about fmylife.com. Another past time of mine of which I can probably add one or two things to.

Anyhow, last night, I was talking to my dad. I talk to my dad once in a blue moon, the topics usually revolve around two things - school or my future. Lately, it has been more of the latter due to my graduation date quickly approaching.

"So son, how's school?"

"Oh it's good."

"Okay. So...do you have a girlfriend?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Well...It's compli..."

"What? No girlfriend? Do you need money? How much do you need? I'll give it to you. You need to find yourself a girlfriend son." Then he goes on how I need to pay for the girl, but not all the time. Oh dad.

I also have a funny story about my mom from awhile back. I'm walking downstairs into the kitchen to get some breakfast. I see my mom just staring at me.

"Son, I have a question?"

"Yes?"

"Are you gay?"

"No?"

"Are you sure? I haven't seen any girls in awhile. And...you're a cheerleader and and...you have boys coming into your room late at night. I mean, I love you regardless...I just want grandchildren."

"First of all, just because I'm a cheerleader doesn't mean anything. And my friend was plastered last night and he was in the area. But anyways, you have two other sons"

"Aiyah! You're the oldest!"

She still asks about girls from time to time.

Oh mom.

Fear as Motivation

I had my SPOP Returner interview this morning and after the session I was still thinking about a lot the things I said in it. Yet, one that I kept thinking about was fear and how it affects people. I was really nervous before, during, and even a little bit after the interview and to be honest part of me is afraid I'm not good enough to be a returner. Thinking upon those things, I've come to realize one thing: fear drives us.

Why? Let's take the opposite of fear. What is the opposite of fear? Not happiness, but rather, contentness and comfortability. Comfort leads to nothingness. When someone is comfortable, that individual is happy and there is no stimulus to do anything productive or any need to step outside one's own comfort zone because there is no need to. When things are comfortable, things are stagnant, static, unchanging - it all remains the same. There is no change because there is no need for change because things are good the way it is.

When there is fear, fear of inadequacy, fear of failure to others and to self, then there is an internal stimulus to strive for the betterment of self and perhaps of others. I know too many people who are just plain happy in their station in life right now. Heck, I've been one of those people until I met people who told me otherwise. For an example of this fear, we can look to the animal kingdom. In it, tigers are driven to be fast in order to hunt and gazelles are driven to be fast in order to not caught. It is the fear of not eating and not being eaten that drives them.

Throughout high school, I was afraid I wasn't going to get into a good university, so I worked my butt off during extracurriculars and all the homework I assigned (and then some). And once I got into UCI, I stopped. I don't know why, maybe because I found some sort of contentness and comfortablilty here or perhaps I didn't care as much because my parents weren't riding me to do well in school, because hey, I'm already in college. I need to find that motivation again. I need to find that motivation I had where I was studious like no other, where I went to the gym like no other. I will find it.